Awareness builds momentum. You have faced challenges so far and come to this stage. This too shall pass. I know you may not like this positive push. But we also can offer only what we know. Have faith. You are intelligent and an excellent writer.

Incidentally I was watching Joe Dispenza's video today which I suggest for you
It opened me to to new perspective
https://youtu.be/cJcbccGEavg?si=aOu8UZlUkJy_Pykp

Best wishes for job hunt and stay well